Telling Your Story

When I was asked by the detective on my case to write down a statement about what happened the night of Janurary 29, 2006. To this day I have started over many times, worked at it, rewrote and created this blog, but I have never written what happened. I have wrote poems, I have drawn pictures, I have told close friends and family members, but I have not written it down. It is as though I have no words to describe what happened. The woman in the link, Geneva Overholser, the editor of The Register un Iowa, and was looking over press coverage of a rape. She felt that by withholding the names of victims the press did more than protect their privacy; it also compounded their stigma. She urged victims of rape to speak out and identify themselves.

''As long as rape is deemed unspeakable - and is therefore not fully and honestly spoken of - the public outrage will be muted as well,'' she wrote.

A woman reading Overholser's statement decided to speak out and do just what Overholser asked, her name was Nancy Ziegenmeyer.

Before her attack, Ziegenmeyer said, she gave little thought to rape. By going public, she said, she hoped to draw attention to the issue and perhaps to prevent others' being raped. ''I come from a small Midwestern town, and this only happened in places like Los Angeles or Dallas or New York or Chicago,'' she said. ''I was from Iowa. I had never given it a thought. But now I'm going to do my damnedest to keep it from happening to another woman.''

The series that Zregenmeyer worked on detailed not just the rape itself, but her subsequent experiences with the hospital, the police and prosecutors, the accused, and the criminal justice system.

It examined topics like her frustration with the courts, how she told her three young children of her ordeal and even how it affected her sexual relationship with her husband. ''When we made love, he was very careful,'' she told The Register. ''He held me. If I cringed, he always asked - he still asks - was he doing something that reminded me of the attack.''

The series was not somuch attacked then uniformly praised, not just in in urban areas like Des Moines, Cedar Rapids, and Davenport, but in towns and villages throughout the state.

''As awful a story as it was, it shows us it is more than just a story; a real person was raped,'' one reader, Peggy Blazek of Des Moines, wrote in one of more than 40 letters on the series printed in the newspaper. ''Nancy's willingness to tell us what happened and The Register's agreeing to print it are important events.''

Another reader, James E. Smith of Sioux Center, declared, ''The disgusting and degrading details of Nancy Ziegenmeyer's rape have no place in a family newspaper the caliber of The Register.'' But he added, ''Unfortunately, we have to face such violent crimes at a very personal level before we are aroused to action and commitment.

Many readers wrote directly to Ziegenmeyer or Schorer to tell their own long-suppressed secrets. One letter to Ziegenmeyer came from a 26-year-old Des Moines woman who said she had been raped eleven years earlier and, she said, had yet to find a boyfriend. Previously, the woman said, she had told only one person of her ordeal.

''I am in awe of your strength and courage,'' the woman wrote. ''I hope that you are the first link in the chain of recovery. I think I never really believed that other people like me existed. Rape victims never have a name or face. You are helping me to find mine.''

Ziegenmeyer thought that people would be outraged about her coming forward with such and intimate detailed crime and was surprised by the positive reaction.

''Most people believe that rape only happens to someone else and didn't really realize that a victim is an actual person,'' she said. ''Jane made me a very ordinary, everyday wife, mother and person, and the public said, 'This person could very well have been me.' They had a face and a name to go with the faceless and nameless stories.

Overholser said the publication of the series was attributable in part to what she called called the ''Nixon in China syndrome,'' the ability of those appearing to have the greatest stake in the status quo to effect change. Ziegenmeyer's story, she noted, not only was reported and written by a woman but also was published in a newspaper edited by a woman.

If anything, she said, it was the men, both on the paper and in its readership, who proved the most skittish. ''Since the great majority of men are not inclined to rape, they are less inclined to think about it, and may be more discomfitted when brought face to face with it,'' she said.

Overholser, who was a member of the editorial board of The New York Times, where her column was reprinted on the Op-Ed page, became the chief news executive of The Register late in 1988. She said The Register would continue to leave rape victims unidentified, but was considering asking them if they are willing to be identified. What she called the ''overwhelmingly positive'' reaction to the series suggested, she said, was how dramatically attitudes towards rape have changed. ''Americans are ready to look at this crime, not in a way that judges the victim. Indeed, if they're looking at her, they're judging her as a hero.''

Ziegenmeyer expressed concerns about the way her story was published, the truth was diulted and toned down. Overholser said, ''You can easily strip the story of its power if your squeamishness overcomes you.'' At the same time, she added, she was convinced that the most detailed account was also the least offensive, and also the most true, as she explained in a column that accompanied the first part of the series.

''I concluded that were I to meet Ziegenmeyer's courage with my timidity, shy away from offending readers, and render her story more palatable, I would be compounding the injustice,'' she wrote.

I, like the women above, found the exact detail of what happenes during a rape is extremely difficult to publish. What words are appropriate to use when are name is to be kept hidden? What obscenities can be described and shared to the general public? The words to describe the experience, the fear, the anger, the betrayal, the pain, and especially the truth are not taught to anyone. I do not believe there are the right words in the English language and perhaps any language to describe the scene.

If I could I would shout it out loud. My voice would be so loud, time would stop, people would stop what they were doing and listen, free from biases and misunderstandings - and the right words will comeout and finally I will say the right words for everyone to understand and to get it off my chest - I was raped.

My case is over and it happened without my statement. I do not ever have to write in detail what happed, but I hope someday I can and I wont be afraid of the words as they come to life on the page.



Ziegenmyer is on the left and Overholser is on the Right

The article I got my information from, mostly cut and paste, is A Name, A Face and A Rape: Iowa Victim Tells Her Story, written by David Margolick, Special to the New York Time, March 25, 1990

Rape of the Books within my own family and home

Sexual Assault is about power and one enforcing power over you. It is not about love or done in the best interest of the victim. It is an act of aggression and control. When I am in a situation when someone is trying to over power me, may it be a date or with someone who wants something from me regardless of who I am what I have done and what I know, I feel like I am back on that bed, in my room, fighting to get my control back.
Today my Aunts and Uncle came to my home in Logan promising to only look at the information I have been using to fill in the gaps of my family history records. Any normal loving family would love to have their aunt or uncle over to show them the work you have done and receive praise and possibly encouragement in return. This is not my story.
They came, she looked. I asked her what she had done with the other 6 or so books, she said nothing. I asked her if she had a PAF file, she said her daughter did. I explained to her how I need the hard copy to upload it to the computer so I can be easily accessed by anyone. I showed them how to access the information online and to download it and share it with anyone as I continue to update the information each week. I showed her the tools I was using and how I was doing it. I proved what my two years worth of experiences had taught me. I taught them how with examples and demonstrations.
She showed me a paper that my grandma signed all the Family History work and books, including stories and pictures to my Aunt. My Aunt, in my own home, told me she was taking all of the books and going to do the work. I said no. She said she was the older one here. I frankly said this is my home and she may leave. I was pressured. It was two against one. I was cornered in my room. The books behind me the Aunts in front of me.
I felt cornered, betrayed, and disrespected. I was confused at how selfish an Aunt a family member could be. I did not understand this expression of love - I understood it as bulling and forcing power and aggression on me. I buckled - not my cryng, I saw no way out - She walked off, out of my home with the books, not saying one word about the work I was doing or the effort and research I have done.
I could not stop it from happening to me all over again. She pushed and harassed and I gave in.
I am confused why I must fight with my aunts. I am hurt. I feel robbed and cheated and small. If I cant be treated well by my own family, who can I count on?
What is this incident going to make our family get togethers like? I dont know if I can believe what she says to me or even if she cares about me. I have to live with this forever.
If it were possible to talk to her and she listen I would say that I felt abused, lied to and disrespected. I feel that you dont care what work has been done to unite our family only that your name is on it. I feel that if you are the older and wiser one that you say you are you would have been humble enough to work with me and to listen to me and be willing to share all that she had. I would tell her that it was very disrespectful to come into my home and treat me in such a way and I would inform her that she will not be welcomed back into my home if she was to continue to treat me like I was a lower class then her and did not deserve her decency and respect. I would express my disappointment that she was not a good example to me and she used her power over me.
I will continue on. Unlike her I can still do research and keep trying to fulfill my family line. This is a hobby I like to do and I have for far too long already let her make it be unpleasant.
I do not know if it is worth it but I did get her to write :

I will return the family hy information when I return to Utah. Dec 1 signed Sue O. 11/23/07 and Sarah Merrill signed as a witness

.
Is there no way to stop loved ones to enforce power over me?

Sexual Assault About Power

"All sexual assault is an act of aggression, regardless of gender or age of the victim or assailant. Neither sexual desire nor sexual deprivation is the primary motivating force behind sexual assault. It is not about sexual gratification, but rather a sexual aggressor using somebody else as a means of expressing their own power and control."

Callie Marie Rennison
Rape and Sexual Assault: Reporting to Police and Medical Attention
Bureau of Justice Statistics
Us Department of Justice

A Survivors Thoughts: This is what I was wearing

A Survivors Thoughts: This is what I was wearing