About Me

Who am I? I am a survivor. I faced one of my greatest fears in life and I am daily overcoming it. I did not choose for this to happen but I know I did everything I could to survive. I have my ups and downs, my nightmares and good memories. I feel that writing it out helps.


Just some things I read about acquaintance rape that I wanted to record:
From this Book called I Never Called It Rape by Robin Warshaw.

Most women who are raped are raped by men they know.

Rave: unwanted Sexual penetration perpetrated by force, threat of harm, or mental or physical inability to give consent (including intoxication).

Women prepared for the possibility of acquaintance rap are better able to avoid it altogether, or to get out of a predicament before it becomes rape, or to fight back.

One in four female respondents had had an experience that met the legal definition of rape or attempted rape.

Said why they did not report it: "I did not want to embarrass him or myself."

Date rape is more common then left handedness or heart attacks or alcoholism.

3 to 10 rapes committed for every one rape reported.

You have been raped when you are forced to have sex against your will, whether you fight back or not.
I wonder what the word forced means? how is this word defined?

It is rape whether a rapist uses a weapon or his fists, verbal threats, drugs or alcohol, physical isolation, your own diminished physical or mental state, or simply the weight of his own body to overcome you.
In looking up the word overcome it is defined as if in a fight, to get the better of, to conquer or defeat, prevail over, overpower or overwhelm. So I have to ask to that to overcome is to have to be in a fight or to be fighting against, so to further conclude: does the woman have to be fighting for it to be a rape"

Men don't physically need to have sex after becoming aroused any more than women do. Moreover, men are still able to control themselves even after becoming sexually excited.

Rape is violence, not seduction or some sort of misguided sexual adventure, the aggressor makes a decision to force his victim to submit to what he or she wants.
I believe there is no way to stop a man who has already decided to rape. Remember it is his choice and actions not yours to rape.

Rape is an exercise in the imbalance of power that exists between most men and women in a relationship that has forged the social order from ancient times on - says Warshaw.

1 in 12 men surveyed committed acts that met the legal definitions of rape or attempted rape.

Crimes occur because the perpetrator decides to commit them.

Only 27% of women whose sexual assault met the legal definition of rape thought of themselves as rape victims.
For her to acknowledge her experience as rape would be to recognize the extent to which her trust was violated and her ability to control her own life destroyed.

Using violence to deal with a personal conflict. Violence is socially not biologically programmed.

"Good girls" don't have sex..... then what do they have?
Woman is taught to protect her sexuality because it represents her "market value". Sex is understood to be the medium of exchange women use to secure protection for men... said Warshaw in accordance to her theory about rape and social order.

Why women said will not report the rape.
...Don't want to get man they know in trouble....
...were embarrassed about the details....
...felt would be blamed....
...social status of the man....

Evidence to use in rape trial:
  • violence
  • forceful isolation
  • restrain
  • verbal abuse
  • man's disregard of any negative reaction byt the woman
"She is supposed to be nice regardless of her feelings." is what women are taught to behave.

Women interviewed for book said before rape they desregarded ther own feelings telling them somehting was wrong with the guy, the place, the situation.

  • 83% tried to reason or plead with the attacker
  • 77% turned cold in hopes of repelling him
  • 70% physically struggled
  • 11% screamed for help
  • 11% tried running away
Women raped had a mean average of 2.02 episodes, men said done behavior to same women a mean of 2.24 times.

Date the man after the rape: to legitimize what happened, women may feel tied to the man because of their ""shared guilty secret".

41% of the raped women said they expect to be raped again.

Effects of rape:
  • reflecting feelings of diminished self-worth
  • heightened fear and anxiety
  • depressed sxpectations for the future
84% of men who committed rape said that what they did was definitely not rape.

have no words to prove they had been hurt

Worshaw believes that to protect young people from acquaintance rape, parents must do nothing less than promote a new ideal of sex - built on the concept of both people participating equally, freely, and with respect fro each other.


I have been doing this group therapy the past month and things have come up that I never thought I would have to experience again. Most of the time the group meetings are good. I feel like I am encouraging the other women more then I am getting personal help. I don't know what to talk about sometimes so it is good that the other participants bring up topics. I still do not feel comfortable telling them my story of the actual incident; I do not think I will and I do not think I need to give that much disclosure.
I have discovered through this past month that to really receive what I most desire, that is to open my self up to love, it is going to be difficult. I have so many cacoons around me. Some of these cacoons I have created because of my abuse others were created by being human and living a life. I find that as I am breaking down the cacoons I choose to break out of I am finding a more sincere, beautiful person inside. Someone I have not known my whole life time. It is not like I am ever going to get the me I was back but I am formed into something more beautiful and wonderful then I could imagine to be.